Coming out of the closet on 39 and Holding… Him and Erotic fiction
At last I’m coming out of the closet…

No, I’m not gay.

I am however, on the cover of the erotic fiction anthology 39 and Holding… Him edited by Robin Slick.

No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you. I just said I was an erotic fiction cover girl.

I’ll let that sink in for a minute…


Ok close your mouths.

When N.L. asked me if I wanted to do a photo shoot for an erotic fiction book that Robin Slick was putting together, I said sure. I admire Robin; her writing is sexy as hell! I thought it would be fun. I was a few days from turning 39 and I thought doing the photo shoot for the cover would be a great 39th birthday present to myself.

At the time, I had no clue what doing the book cover really meant. I just thought it would make me feel better about my 39th birthday. And besides, I’d get to be 39 forever in bookstores! Who wouldn’t like that?

For me, realization soon dawned at what an incredibly empowering and liberating experience this was the first time I saw myself on the cover of the book. Let me tell you, I’m proud of the cover! I’m proud to say, “that’s me on the cover and I look good.”

This book cover is about being brave! Something I’ve never really been in my life. In fact, I wish I had been brave enough, empowered enough to do something like this book cover 15-20 years ago.

This book cover is about projecting a good self-image of myself and believing in myself. It’s about conquering fears and taking risks. It’s risky to put yourself out there in a skimpy outfit and not care what people think. Not caring what people think of me is a new concept I'm embracing. However, the book cover is so tastefully done I've received nothing but good positive feedback from all who've seen it.

Hopefully this book cover will inspire other women to find ways to empower themselves. For me, the feeling of empowerment that I’ve received from doing this book cover has inspired me to take risks in other areas of my life as well, like buying my first home all on my own.


Video Interview by ABC23 about empowering women and erotic fiction.

But the spirit of empowering women doesn’t stop with the cover of 39 and Holding… Him. Each story within features women in their 40’s who are strong, independent, living life on their terms and having an adventurous time. It’s the epiphany of “40 is the new sexy!” Not only is life not over at 40, but these stories show that as a woman in your 40’s you can have it all. You can have the fairy tale endings and the Sex and the City sexcapades. In fact you’re entitled to have it all!

As a woman who is about to turn 40, it’s nice to know that life is definitely not over and I can have it all!

And with empowerment comes opportunity…

Robin and Phaze liked the first book cover so much that I got the opportunity to do the second book cover in the 39 series: 39 and Still Holding. The second book cover has a different look and attitude than the first, which is exciting.



But even more exciting than doing these fabulous book covers was the opportunity to write an erotic fiction short story called A Rabbit Hole for Emily, for the second book 39 and Still Holding. I can’t wait to see it in print!

Which brings me to my closet erotic fiction collection... I’ve been reading erotic fiction for years but I’ve kept my erotic fiction collection stored away from prying eyes instead of displayed on my book shelves. However, being an erotic fiction cover girl has empowered me to get rid of the chest I stored my erotic fiction collection, and in my new house my erotic fiction collection will be on the bookshelves proudly displayed with all the other books.

So at last I’m proud to be out of the closet… I’m an erotic fiction girl!

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Press for 39 and Holding... Him and other stuff:

-You can buy 39 and Holding... Him by clicking on the checkout link in my sidebar! Go check it out, it's cool! Besides you know you want to buy it just because you can say you know the girl on the cover!

-Check out the 39 and Holding... Him Myspace and add it to your friends!

-Read the Bakotopia article which includes more racy photos. And don't forget to pick up your copy of the Bakotopia magazine featuring the article and photos available this week.

-Read the ABC 23 article.

-Read the interview with Phaze Publisher Kathryn Lively on Paperback Writer.

Labels: 39 and Holding... Him, Bakotopia, book cover, Coming out of the closet, cover model, empowering women, erotic fiction, erotica, infamous women, Matildakay, N.L. Belardes, Phaze, Robin Slick, Sex

  posted by Matildakay at 11:46 AM 2 comments

All things erotica...
Have you ever had one of those days where everything seemed to be on the same wavelength? Today was all things erotica.

The erotica theme started this morning as I was making my lunch to take to work. I needed a bag to put my Tupperware dish in and grabbed one that was the right size. I didn’t think anything odd about the bag being a Victoria’s Secret bag. But when I walked into work carrying a Victoria’s Secret bag my co-workers became grinning nosey bodies.

“Victoria’s Secret! What’s in the bag?”

“My lunch.”

“Oh. Not something sexy?”

“Um no. It’s a sandwich and fruit.”

My co-worker seemed genuinely disappointed that the bag contained a sandwich and not lacy underwear.

And then I read today’s wild words by wild women quote by Gloria Leonard, a skin flick star who said, “The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.” I just laughed.

There it was again… erotica.

And then I checked my email and found a link to the Bakotopia story on 39 and Holding… Him, the erotic fiction book cover I’m on. (I know I haven’t talked about this book yet, don’t worry it’s coming).

Ok… three erotica references and my morning was just getting started. This had to be more than just coincidence. Was I giving off an erotica vibe? Were the Gods of Eros shining down on me? Maybe they were trying to tell me I needed a little erotica in my life today.

Besides a little erotica never hurt anyone…

Labels: 39 and Holding... Him, Bakotopia, eros, erotic fiction, erotica, sexy, Victoria's Secret

  posted by Matildakay at 11:46 AM 3 comments

Chaos, Music and Surreal Moments…
Lately it seems like I’ve been running at full speed. I’ve had so much going on I haven’t had a moment to myself. And thanks to the time change, every time I’ve sat still for a moment, I’ve fallen asleep. We only sprung forward an hour, but its taken me days to quit feeling exhausted.

My days have been filled with chaos, music and surreal moments…

I had a meeting with a lawyer that was actually positive and reassuring. Lawyers are not exactly my favorite people. No offense to any reader that might be a lawyer. But my experiences with lawyers throughout my divorce were less than great. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of money on lawyers with no real results.

So when I met with a lawyer regarding my insurance claim I was expecting similar treatment. But instead, I felt like this lawyer was actually on my side. Was he a champion for hire?

I spent an afternoon wandering the streets of Little Tokyo in Los Angeles with friends and ate really good Japanese food.

I got lost spiritually and found myself standing mere inches from Van Gogh’s Irises. I found myself in the brush strokes, the texture, the thickness, the layers, the colors, and the chaos and made a museum employee nervous by my proximity.



I experienced the same revelations when I encountered Monet, Degas and Rembrandt.

I felt small when faced with historical artifacts, sculptures and illustrated manuscripts. In the big scheme of life my existence seems insignificant in regards to history, God and religion on display in the rooms I walked but wasn’t allowed to touch.

I found peace in the architecture, gardens and spectacular California coast and Los Angeles city views at the Getty Museum. The solitary stone benches, the staircases, and the fountains felt like home. I could have stayed for days instead of hours.

Soon after finding myself at the Getty, I became Rock Star Struck.

I visited Hollywood, the land of movie stars, to worship at the feet of rock stars in the Viper Room. The rock stars in question are Los Angeles new wave rock band: World Wide Spies. I’d seen them perform a couple of times in Bakersfield, and I’m obsessed with their new album: Images of Black and White. It’s absolutely fabulous. But I was blown away by their performance at the Viper Room. The sound was amazing. World Wide Spies were bigger than life. I felt like I was front and center at an intimate U2 concert. And just like that… I succumbed to their philosophy.


Matildakay (lower left corner) Rock Star Struck by World Wide Spies

Having mastered the art of buying Police tickets online… I applied the same savvy technique and bought Harry Connick Jr. tickets. I may not have any vacation plans scheduled yet this year, but 2007 is already filling up with great music.

Bakotopia and their new compilation CD release filled my weekends with lots of great local music. Everything I ever needed to know about life I learned from a punk-rock song. What a sober realization.

I found myself in a deserted parking garage at midnight with bats flying over my head flapping their wings in a sinister fashion. An eerie omen for sure.

I fell in love with Something New and realized that love can be found in the most unexpected places if you just open your heart a little…

And Spring came early…

My life feels like I'm rushing head first into the fray like a blooming flower that I've neglected to water.

Labels: Bakersfield, Bakotopia, Getty Museum, Harry Connick Jr., punk rock, Rock Star, Spring, The Police, U2, World Wide Spies

  posted by Matildakay at 11:55 PM 7 comments